Tuesday, November 26, 2019

Kayla Itsines Was 'Devastated' the First Time She Exercised After Giving Birth

You Won’t Have to Stress About Dark Circles With This Anti-Aging Eye Cream

Jennifer Aniston Is Devoted to This $10 Lip Balm

Mom Donates 500 Oz. of Breast Milk After Son Dies from Rare Condition: ‘It Was a Sense of Healing’

What is Empty Nest Syndrome? A Family Therapist Explains Symptoms and How to Cope

It’s basically the natural order of things: If you have children, you typically then raise them until they’re able to go through the world on their own (or, you know, until they hit 18 and move away to college).

It’s hard work, spending nearly two decades (and sometimes more) teaching them right from wrong—but many parents find that the hardest part of mother or fatherhood actually occurs when their children grow up and fly the coop, so to say, leaving parents with the often-dreaded “empty nest syndrome.”

But what exactly is empty nest syndrome—and is it truly something that’s easily diagnosed; or is it truly just about learning to adjust to a new situation? Health spoke to mental health experts to find out more about empty nest syndrome, and what you can do about it.

RELATED: I'm a Mom and a Child Psychologist: This Is the Behavior I Actually Worry About

What is empty nest syndrome?

“Empty nest syndrome is that feeling of emptiness, anxiety and loss that fills you after your children leave your home and make their way out in the world,” family therapist Paul Hokemeyer, PhD, tells Health.

In clinical terms, it would be diagnosed as something called an “adjustment disorder,” falling into the same class as other life transitions such as the loss of a job, a divorce, the loss of a parent or a move to a new city. “The underlying feature of these events is the profound impact they have on our identity and ability to fall grounded in the familiar,” says Dr. Hokemeyer.

What are the symptoms of empty nest syndrome?

According to Dr. Hokemeyer, the symptoms are those typically associated with anxiety and depression. They include the following:

Conflicted feelings of excitement and loss

“As parents we want our children to launch into the world,” says Dr. Hokemeyer. “For years we've poured our hearts and souls in their departure and have often fantasized about the freedom and opportunities we'd enjoy when we had only ourselves to attend to.”

But when the time comes for them to actually leave, many parents find themselves plagued by overwhelming sadness, fear and a deep sense of loss.

Interrupted sleep patterns and nightmares

“Our children are hard wired into our brains. We live and breathe them. They come from us and remain with us forever,” says Dr. Hokemeyer. However, when they leave the home, many parents find that their neurophysiology has a strong reaction that gets played out in their unconscious and dream life.

Guilt

Because many parents never feel like they have done enough, Dr. Hokemeyer explains that the void left behind by a child can exacerbate these feelings.

Marital conflict

Raising kids can be tough on a marriage. After the children are out of the house, Dr. Hokemeyer explains that many couples find that in the years they've devoted to raising their children they've grown apart. “This of course is natural as the physical, emotional and financial demands of child rearing are extraordinary,” he explains.

Self-medication with food, alcohol, drugs, and/or shopping

The empty nest syndrome is painful, and it involves feeling uncomfortable and ungrounded for a while—several years in fact, according to Dr. Hokemeyer. To manage this discomfort, parents often find themselves reaching for outside things to self soothe and fill the hole their child left behind. The most common of these substances are food, material goods, and mind-altering substances like alcohol and drugs.

RELATED: This Woman Says Bed Bugs Are Tearing Her Family Apart—and Now Her Story Is Going Viral

So what can you do about empty nest syndrome?

First and foremost, Dr. Hokemeyer says that if you are experiencing empty nest syndrome, it is nothing to be ashamed of. “It is perfectly natural for you to be feeling your feelings,” he explains. “Human beings are animals. We are biologically hard wired to protect and nurture our children. Of course we will feel out of sorts and diminished when they leave our nest.”

That being said, he suggests pushing yourself into concrete action steps to move forward with your life. “Re-engage in your community,” he says. “Take a class online or at your local college. Volunteer at the local animal shelter. Start experiencing with watercolor painting. The point is to move in lock step with your child in finding your place out in the world.”

Also, don’t keep your feelings and emotions bottled up. Talk about this transitional period of your life with your partner and best friends. “In challenging times, we are given an opportunity to discover the gifts in our lives. At the top of this list are meaningful relationships with other human beings,” he explains.

And finally, keep in mind that this too shall pass. “When times are challenging and think they will last forever, but they don't,” Dr. Hokemeyer says. “Like the seasons that give us spring, summer, fall and winter our relationship with our children evolve into deeper and richer experiences.”

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Monday, November 25, 2019

'Curvy Wife' Influencer Says Breastfeeding Struggles Made Her Feel 'Helpless' in Relatable Post

82-Year-Old Bodybuilder Willie Murphy Fights Off Home Intruder With a Table

The Top 10 Trader Joe’s Gifts to Grab While You’re Getting Groceries

If you thought TJ’s wasn’t the best place to buy stocking stuffers, think again.

Whatever way you slice it, there’s no denying that Trader Joe’s is ~the place~ for finding one-of-a-kind, make-a-special-trip-to-purchase products. Where else can you find Everything But the Bagel Seasoning Dip, Peanut Butter Blondies, Apple Cider Drinking Vinegar, or Truffle Marcona Almonds? You certainly won’t be finding a jar of their pickled beets anywhere else, and we’d like to keep it that way, thankyouverymuch. Some things in this world are still sacred.

That being said. If TJ’s is the place for cult-worthy food finds, why not make it your last minute gift shop too? It’s convenient, affordable, and who wouldn’t want to bust open a bag of Chocolate Mousse Muffins, Pumpkin Body Butter, and Speculoos Cookie Butter on Christmas morning.

Welcome to our Trader Joe’s gift guide—a collection of special sanity-saving, stress-free items you can pick up while you’re stocking up on paper towels, $3 Pinot Noir, and Trader Giotto’s Penne Arrabbiata. You’d be crazy not to!

RELATED: Trader Joe’s Just Released Their 15 Favorite Recipes

Chocolate Advent Calendars

From cute cacao nibs to semi-sweet chips, baking chocolate, and countless bars, Trader Joe’s is the spot for chocolate gifts galore. In the month of December, we’re partial to their advent calendar aisle. With fun offerings like Holiday Traditions and Tidings, Design Your Own Ugly Christmas Sweater, and The Adventure of Fearless Fox and His Tangled-Up Scarf, kids and adults alike will love popping open daily windows to discover 24 unique treats made from delicious milk chocolate and a generous amount of cocoa butter. Best part? They’re only 99 cents.

Old-Fashioned Egg Nog

We’re all well aware of Trader Joe's' three-buck-chuck aisle. But when it comes to booze, the store has so many other worthwhile options that are great for gifting. For a festive Christmas cocktail party hostess gift, grab a bottle of Old-Fashioned Egg Nog Liqueur. It’s made from a combination of spiced rum, brandy, cream, and cinnamon, and tastes delicious on its own, in coffee, or over ice cream.

Pumpkin Body Butter

With its pretty packaging and downright delicious scent, you’re going to want to make sure you buy yourself a container of Pumpkin Body Butter while you’re gift shopping. It smells like fall, and thanks to shea butter and pumpkin seed oil, will leave your skin feeling super soft and smooth.

RELATED: I Just Found Out Canned Pumpkin Isn't Pumpkin At All, And My Whole Life is Basically a Lie

Gingerbread Flavor Dog Treats

Why should humans get all the grocery store goodies? Good boys deserve gifts. too. These festive gingerbread-flavored dog treats are the go-to gift for the puppy person in your life. They’re made just from whole wheat, rolled oats, molasses, and natural gingerbread flavor and will ensure weeks of wagging.

Pumpkin Spice Biocellulose Face Mask

Face masks are one of the most fun, festive ways to make someone feel pampered. Stock up on a bunch of Trader Joe’s Pumpkin Spice Biocellulose Face Masks (they’re made with ultra-soothing clove leaf, orange peel, and ginger root) and drop them into everyone’s stocking, or give them out on Christmas Eve for a before-bed de-stressing session.

RELATED: 5 Trader Joe's New Products to Try This Fall

Fresh-cut flowers

The flower section at Trader Joe's is not-to-miss. Quite literally: the second you walk into the grocery store you’ll likely be greeted with the sweet scent of fresh flowers and greenery. The section is stocked with an extensive collection of high-quality bouquets and potted plants, like Double-Dozen Roses for $10.99 or seasonal box arrangements for $12.99. Some stores can help you with special orders if you’re looking to gift a substantial centerpiece, too.

Champagne Gummy Candies

What’s more celebratory than popping open Champagne-shaped gummy candies? Share a bag of these sweet treats with someone special on Christmas and it’ll give them something festive to snack on come New Year’s Eve (if they last that long).

RELATED: Trader Joe's Sells a Halo Top Dupe That's 1/3 the Price and Double the Protein

Mediterranean Olive Oil Set

This tasty trio includes three types of extra virgin olive oil: Italian, Greek, and Spanish. Whether or not your loved one will be traveling this holiday season, they’ll (at very least) get transported across the globe as they taste these delicious oils. Pair with some of TJ’s fresh bread or pita chips and you’ve got yourself a great hostess gift for your token foodie friend or family member.

Festively Flavored Coffee Cup Celebration

Honestly, the name says it all. This giftable box of various high-quality Arabica beans from Brazil includes 20 single-serve coffee pods. There are four each of their beloved Wintry Blend, Gingerbread, Salted Caramel, French Vanilla, and Chocolate Mint-flavored coffees.

RELATED: 7 Vegan Thanksgiving Recipes That Will Make You Completely Forget About Turkey

Nutty Popcorn Trio

Here’s a fun game you can play with everyone you give this sweet treat to: it’s called "Try not to finish this in one sitting." It's next to impossible to lose once they taste the delicious combination of Pecan Praline Caramel Corn, Chocolate Almond Popcorn, and Macadamia Caramel Corn.

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Nearly 100,000 Pounds of Salad Are Being Recalled for E. Coli Contamination—Here’s What You Should Know

Thursday, November 21, 2019

The 20-Minute HIIT Workout You Can Do Literally Anywhere

In a perfect world, we'd all have a good hour of free time every day, specifically for working out.

Unfortunately, that's not the case—and some days, between making time for work, friends, and family, it's hard enough to just find time to take a breath, let alone crush a workout. That is, until high-intensity interval training (HIIT) gained popularity. 

For the uninitiated, HIIT workouts are a quick, efficient way to sneak in exercise, but the benefits go way beyond simply fitting it into your schedule. “HIIT training can improve anaerobic capacity, cardiovascular health, and result in fat loss,” says Lacee Lazoff, NASM-certified personal trainer based in New York City and creator of Bells Up. “It’s effective when work’s performed in short intervals at maximum capacity, followed immediately by modesty intervals of very low capacity or rest.”

RELATED: 7 HIIT Mistakes You’re Probably Making

So what does an effective HIIT workout look like? Lazoff suggests that you follow a 30-second on, 90-second rest formula. During those 30 seconds on, you’re really working as hard as possible. “Think of it as a rate of perceived exertion of least a nine,” she adds. And because they take so little time, HIIT workouts are a super-effective addition to any training plan with time restrictions, says Lazoff. 

Once you're ready to kick things up a notch (and I mean that literally), try this 20-minute HIIT workout, courtesy of Lazoff—just make sure you've queued up a killer playlist first; you'll want those beats to keep you motivated, but you won't have time to switch the track. 

The Workout

Do each move for 30 seconds, rest for 90 seconds before moving on to the next. Repeat the circuit once.

Mountain Climber

Start in a high plank position. Alternate running your knees into your chest as quickly as you can, keeping the hips lifted and feet flexed. Move as fast as possible. You should be out of breath by the end of the interval.

High Knees with Arms Overhead

Start in a standing position with feet hip-width distance apart, arms up overhead with hands facing in, with a slight bend in the elbows. Begin to run in place, bringing knees up your chest as high as possible while pumping your arms. Keep your chest lifted throughout movement and land on the ball of your foot. Repeat.

RELATED: The Best HIIT Workout—and Why It Burns So Many Calories

Jump Squat

Start standing with your feet slightly wider than hip-width apart with toes turned out. Lower into a squat position (your butt should be below your knees). Jump up and land as softly as possible. Repeat.

Frogger

Start in a high plank position with your shoulders directly over your wrists. Engage your core and jump both feet up and outside your hands so that you’re in a squat position. Jump back into plank. Repeat.

RELATED: This 4-Move Battle Rope Workout is Perfect for Beginners

Skater

Stand on left leg with right leg behind you. Explosively hop to right leg, placing left foot behind it to soften landing. Alternate sides. Repeat.

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5 Keto Pumpkin Pie Recipes to Complete Your Thanksgiving Menu

If you're on the keto diet, you might be worried about what you're going to eat at Thanksgiving dinner. Maybe you used to love your aunt's family-famous pumpkin pie, but now, it just doesn't fit into your low-carb regimen. Luckily, pumpkin pie isn't completely off-limits for keto dieters; there are plenty of tasty ways to make the classic Thanksgiving dessert low-carb. Here, we've rounded up five of the best keto-friendly pumpin pie recipes from food bloggers. 

RELATED: 11 Keto Thanksgiving Recipes to Complete Your Low-Carb Menu

Pumpkin pie with flaky crust

Trust us, this recipe by gnom-gnom tastes even better than it looks. The silky pumpkin custard melts in your mouth, and the flaky crust is to die for. We have a feeling you'll be heading for seconds before you even finish your first slice. 

Pumpkin pie with almond flour crust

If you're not confident in the kitchen, this recipe by That's Low Carb?! is for you. It's easy as can be, and it takes less than an hour to make. There's no need to go store-bought when you have a recipe this simple (and delicious).

Sugar-free pumpkin pie

Sugar-free dessert isn't always a hit, but with this recipe by Wholesome Yum, you don't have to worry. Just keep the ingredients list your little secret, and no one will be able to tell. 

Pumpkin pie with homemade spice mix

You can get creative with the spice blend at the heart of this recipe by Green and Keto. Maybe you want to crank up the cinnamon and play down the ginger, or perhaps you want more allspice and less cloves. However you spice it, you can't go wrong. 

Pumpkin pie with whipped cream

Be sure to snap a picture of this pie by Peace Love and Low Carb before you eat it. It might be hard to wait to dig in, but believe us, you'll want to remember its beauty after it's all gone. 

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This 4-Move Battle Rope Workout is Perfect for Beginners

There’s no two-ways around it: Battle ropes look fierce. Varying in thickness, weight, and length, the fitness training tool is right up there with kettlebells and dumbbells as a must-have for gyms and trainers everywhere. 

But it's not just because using them can make anyone feel like a warrior—they’re super effective for total-body conditioning. “The ropes are a great tool for fat loss and overall strength because it allows anyone, at any level, to spike their heart rate in short bursts improving cardiovascular output; giving you a whole lot of bang for your buck,” Rachel Prairie, NASM-certified personal trainer at Anytime Fitness, tells Health. She adds that often times you’ll see battle ropes anchored to a wall, beam, or pole. (Just FYI: For this story, Health used the Hyper Rope, Hyper Wear's unanchored battle rope.) 

RELATED: Get Your Heart Pumping With This Jump Rope Workout

Before you start eyeing battle ropes, though, you'll want to get acquainted with proper battle-rope position: “Stand with your feet slightly wider than shoulder-width apart, knees bent in a half-squat, and hold one rope in each hand," says Prairie. "If you’ve played sports in the past, this is often referred to as the ‘ready’ position.”

Typically, battle rope exercises involve dynamic, fast movements. The range of these movements is wide, but you’ll want to get comfortable with the basics before moving on to more advanced work, says Prairie. “For beginners, keep it simple,” she says.

To help, Prairie came up with a great beginners routine for anyone looking to add battle ropes into their workout rotation regularly. Here, four moves you can do in the gym for a quick, heart-pumping battle rope workout. 

The Workout

Beginners: Two to three sets of 15 reps, resting 90 seconds between each.

Intermediate: Four to six sets of 15 reps, resting 90 seconds between each.

Advanced: Eight sets of 15 to 20 reps, resting 90 seconds between each.

Alternating Speed Wave

  1. Stand with your feet at shoulder-width distance in a quarter-squat, holding one end of the rope in each hand.
  2. Rapidly lower and raise your right arm to about chest height, causing a wave motion throughout the rope; repeat on the other side for one rep. Continue for 15 total reps.

RELATED: This Full-Body Resistance Band Workout Only Takes 15 Minutes

Grappler Toss

  1. Stand with your feet at shoulder-width distance in a quarter-squat, holding one end of the rope in each hand with a thumbs-up grip.
  2. Bring both hands up and overhead, then down down to the right side of your body, ending at around mid-thigh height.
  3. Repeat on opposite side for one rep. Do 15 total reps.

The Wave

  1. Stand with your feet at shoulder-width distance in a quarter-squat, holding one end of the rope in each hand.
  2. Rapidly lower and raise both arms simultaneously to about chest height, causing a wave motion throughout the rope. Your goal is to be explosive from the hips and keep the wave in a continuous motion, adds Prairie. Continue for 15 total reps.

RELATED: Get a Full-Body HIIT Workout at Home

Jumping Jack

  1. Stand with your feet at shoulder-width distance, holding one end of the rope in each hand.
  2. Rapidly jump your feet out to the sides while simultaneously bringing the rope up and out overhead, as if you were doing a jumping jack.
  3. Slam the rope down while bringing our feet back together for one rep. Do 15 total reps.

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Why You Should Always Order Ginger Ale on a Flight

Thursday, November 14, 2019

Mom Explains the Invisible Load Mothers Carry in Moving Reddit Post

From commercials for cough syrup to jokes on late night TV, buzz around the mental load moms carry has reached a fever pitch. Now, a mom has broken down what the "invisible load" of motherhood looks like for her on Reddit's Parenting subreddit, and it's poignant and relatable.

In a powerful post called "The Invisible Load of Motherhood is Killing Me Slowly," the original poster (OP), writing under the handle cmillz87, shared that in addition to facing impending seasonal affective disorder (SAD), she's been "slowly succumbing to the very real invisible load of motherhood."

RELATED: Mom Shares Photo of Herself Hiding Next to the Toilet With a Message About Alone Time You'll Definitely Relate To

"I have effectively been battling this giant for almost 12 years, and it has finally caught up with me, now I feel like it’s killing me," cmillz87 explained. "If you are a mom and don’t immediately recognize the expression 'invisible load,' I can guarantee you are more familiar with it than you believe. You know all those things that you do, the things that go unnoticed—but if you stopped doing them would immediately be felt by the entire household? All those intricacies that keep everyone comfortable, aligned, balanced and organized. The things that everyone thinks happen magically and are necessary but after you put that last kid in bed (for the third time) leaves you screaming in a pillow or sobbing uncontrollably in the closet because you are exhausted and overwhelmed."

RELATED: Dad Breaks Down All the Ways Fathers Can Help Moms Breastfeed in Much-Needed Viral Post

The OP offered a laundry list of to-dos that contribute to a mom's invisible load:

  • Making sure your family is social
  • Planning and attending get-togethers
  • Knowing your kids’ friend’s names along with the names of their parents
  • Remembering to send thank you cards
  • Managing the family calendar while avoiding conflicts
  • Changing out the seasonal clothing and knowing when and where to donate or pass on to a friend
  • Doling out punishments and restrictions
  • Changing rules as they age out, figuring out what is appropriate for them to watch or listen to, what apps they can or can not have

She noted that parents of children with any special needs (like her) will prep kids for blood draws and extra doctor appointments, explaining why and how every step of the way.

RELATED: 8 Ways to Be a Better Spouse, According to a Relationship Expert

Moms are also:

  • Keeping up with vaccines
  • Lysoling all the doorknobs and light switch cover during flu season
  • Planning dinner, snacks, and lunches making sure the kids aren’t overindulging in trash food
  • Fostering healthy habits
  • Knowing who is going to fight you at dinner because they hate carrots
  • Asking themselves about their child's grooming schedule
  • Coordinating with teachers, making sure no one is falling behind, staying up to date on class goings-on, pick up and drop off logistics, encouraging practices for music, sports, and other extracurriculars
  • Overseeing homework
  • Assisting with projects
  • Picking up supplies for class parties
  • Taking mental note of the "cool kid" and the bully at each child's school
  • Noting peers who are positive influences
  • Managing social media activity and screen time
  • Navigating trends
  • Worrying about and then explaining the latest and ongoing tragedies of the world

RELATED: This Mom's Photo of Eating While Breastfeeding Is Going Viral Because It's So Relatable

"This, ladies and gentlemen, is the invisible load of motherhood," cmillz87 wrote. "Most people would be tired just reading this list very abridged list. If you are a mom, this is just a day in the life, nothing surprising here. You (mama) also understand this doesn’t even scratch the surface of what you think about daily. Every mom carries it. Its weight can vary day to day but it never lets up. I didn’t even delve into the psychological and emotional needs of a family. Am I disciplining enough? Am I disciplining too little? How much time have I spent with each of my children individually? How do I help my babies cope with anxieties and anger individually? Which of the kids needs extra support right now, who is thriving, who needs an extra push?!"

The OP explained that the invisible load isn't just physical; it's mental, emotional, and exhausting. "Attempting to constantly control, define and interpret all the facets of your family life can affect everything from your friendships, your marriage, your sex life, and ultimately your overall mental well-being," cmillz87 noted, elaborating that she doesn't believe in gender roles, so she does laundry, fixes a leaky toilet, scrubs the toilets, takes the car in for service—all more visible things that moms do to keep their households running smoothly and keep their families safe and healthy.

RELATED: Photographer Captures 'Magic' as Moms Feed Babies in Different Ways: 'Nourishing Them with Love'

Given all of the invisible and visible things on a mom's plate, "BURNOUT IS AN UNDERSTATEMENT. This stuff is never-ending," the OP wrote.

"Some days feel like 15 years and some days I am overjoyed with the thought that I have four amazing human beings who never cease to amaze me," she shared.

The OP explained that she's a freelance designer and photographer who works from home, she has a "wonderful and supportive husband who works extra hard to provide for the family," and they have four children: daughters 3, 8, 10 and a son who is almost 12.

RELATED: Shay Mitchell’s Boyfriend, Who Isn't Pregnant, Doesn’t Want Her Getting an Epidural—But Is There Anything Wrong With Them?

She explained, "This is our first year with a child in middle school—a big transition for him but I never expected the transition to hit me as hard as it has. On any given day I am a glorified Uber, short-order cook, referee, maid service, a teacher and psychologist. I’m called to drop off instruments at school when they are left behind and also instill in them a sense of responsibility for their actions. Not to mention tending to your friendships and your family relationships, and your marriage. By the time you get to thinking about yourself—it’s hard to imagine even attempting to do anything for yourself outside of just catching your breath. The juggle is real!"

Because of the invisible load, and her feelings about it, cmillz87 says her friends and family have been left wondering where she's been. Her husband has been scared watching her laugh-cry herself into a frenzy and her closest family has checked in to make sure she hasn't run away from home. "I’m hiding out because I’m feeling empty, literally hanging on by a thread but still pour from what feels like an empty pitcher into every member of your beautiful family," she wrote. "Even the dog and the cat need individual love and attention. Drained but pushing on I am working on finding ways to combat these feelings and thrive in my day-to-day rather than barely survive."

RELATED: This Mom Just Shared a Raw Photo Showing What Postpartum Depression Really Looks Like

The OP noted that she's not detailing her experience as an "end-all solution." Instead, she wanted to share, because she knows she's not alone.

"It is reassuring just to know that you are not the only one that isn’t in love with being mommy 24/7, who is struggling to make it through her day-to-day or that the people who look like they have everything together fall apart more often than we realize," cmillz87 wrote. "Again I’ll say, some days are better than others; some days I put a good face feeling like I’ve got it, other days I am one book bag on the floor from losing my shit. I am doing my best to improve my feeling overwhelmed by sharing more with my husband about things he can help me with as well as trying to make time alone more of a priority. Time to myself isn’t always possible but when I do have a few minutes, I use them to meditate, read or do yoga. I specifically choose these activities because I know even in short doses they have the biggest mental pay off for me."

She concluded that "the trenches of motherhood are real." "I imagine the struggle doesn’t get easier but just changes as your children get older," cmillz87 noted. "So for me, it’s all about staying vulnerable, introspective, and adjusting my approach to keep the load from crushing me."

RELATED: Moms Strip Down in Stunning Photo Series That Puts Their Stretch Marks and Loose Skin on Full Display

The OP's post was met with compassion from other parents who've been there and shared tips and words of wisdom.

One Redditor named 780lyds wrote, "I used to think this stuff was all on me, until I developed severe PPD after our 3rd child a year ago. I stopped functioning, and my husband took over. He made sure we had a Christmas, ordered all the presents, did everything I do. Share the invisible load, and trim the stuff that doesn't matter." A dad, writing under the handle ANeighbor, said he agreed, writing, "What OP is describing should be the invisible load of parenthood, not motherhood. Rebalance with your partner to make it more workable. Is that not a fundamental part of partnership and parenting?"

TakeMyUpvotePlus1 suggested going back to basics, noting, "Reading what I did made me think that you are taking on way too much and need to delegate or just NOT do it."

AhavaZahara shared a "simple truth": "We train people how to treat us—stop training everyone that you'll take care of everything. How? Stop doing everything."

RELATED: Meghan Markle Is Being Mom-Shamed for the Way She Held Baby Archie

But one Redditor named JadieRose empathized with the OP, stating that it's not that easy to just stop doing all of the things. "You can definitely stop doing SOME of this stuff, but other things simply have to get done. Someone has to remember to make the doctors' appointments, plan meals, etc. And the family probably needs things like family pictures once a while, new clothes, gifts, etc. So SOMEONE has to do these things and the default is so often the woman."

JadieRose said she's made progress in her house by dividing "realms of responsibility" with her husband. "It's helped somewhat," she shared. "But the non-routine tasks so often fall to me, and it's exhausting."

She also theorized that she's picking up the slack with the invisible tasks, because her husband was raised to believe that's just what a wife and mom does. She explained, "When we had our first baby last year, my MIL helpfully sent me an email a few weeks after to let me know that her friends still hadn't gotten a thank you card for a gift they sent (that she knew we got because I'd mentioned it). I just forwarded her email to him and CCed her and said, '[Husband] - I think your mom meant to send this to you.'"

Clearly, antiquated gendered socialization has failed to prepare men to be aware of, anticipate, and step up to handle the household and parenting must-dos that the OP listed. But another piece of the puzzle is both parties' willingness to divide and conquer—and, in many cases, streamline—which is key to maintaining well-being. There's no doubt that given its complexity, the issue of a mother's invisible load requires a multifaceted solution. Here's hoping posts like the OP's, and the conversations that stem from them, will empower more couples to work together to share the invisible and visible tasks of family life.

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This article originally appeared on Parents.com



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Model Molly Simms Just Shared a 20-Minute Circuit Workout on Instagram—and Her Abs Look Amazing  

 
 
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